Happy May! I hope your week is going well and you’re accomplishing your goals.
Last week, I was having a conversation with a mom who was sharing her struggles with me. After she had finished sharing what was on her heart, I asked, how can I help? Her response to the question was you listen to me.
I thought about her response all day. How many people, myself included, want someone to listen to them? Do we really listen? Are we thinking about how we will respond? Or how long will this take? It’s easier for us to talk than to listen. Listening is a learned skill that can be hard to do, whereas talking is easy for most of us.
Hearing can be easy, too, but it’s not always the same as listening. We may hear cars driving down the street or airplanes flying overhead or birds singing in the trees, but we aren’t necessarily listening to them. We might hear a sound then continue with whatever we were doing.
James 1:19 says, “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” That sounds so easy, but usually we’re quick to speak and to get angry without really hearing or listening to what is being said. I know I’ve been guilty of this, especially during and immediately after the COVID lockdown.
Is anyone truly listening? Why don’t we hear on a deeper level? Is it because we’re in a hurry or don’t trust others to share with them our deepest thoughts and hurts?
Listening involves not just the words spoken, but also tone and energy and body language. A person can be saying one thing, but their body language is telling you something else. When we take the time to listen to the whole person, we’re telling the other that they’re important.
How do we listen?
- Be patient with the person speaking: don’t hurry them.
- Listen to understand what they are saying and not to respond: be 100% engaged.
- Pay attention to tone, energy and body language (if you’re speaking in person). Maybe listening is a hug or sitting in silence while they cry: be full present (turn off your cell phone!).
- Listen with your heart. Engaged listening says: I respect what you have to say; it tells the other person they’re valued and loved.
- If you don’t understand what’s been said, then repeat it back to the person for deeper comprehension and acknowledgment, which develops trust.
- Make eye contact. When my grandson went to a Catholic Montessori preschool, the head nun who greeted him each morning would shake his hand and teach him to look her in the eye. She did this with every child: valuable training at an early age.
- Ask questions and show interest.
There are many more ways on how to listen. Please add your ideas in the comments section.
This is a great reminder, especially with the hectic pace of our lives! Listening is a learned skill and we can all learn from the wonderful piece you wrote!
I agree with you, our lives our hectic. We have to slow down to listen.
Thank you for the nice compliment.
I am not always a good listener. One of the reasons why I am trying to slow down and to not always be multi tasking. Do less and do it better. So I can truly be present for those in my life. Missed too much already by trying to do too much. Also need to listen to myself. What is my emotions or my body trying to tell me. Being truly present is a gift for everyone.
So true, Dawn. Being aware is the first step to making progress.
Pardon me while striving to listen to what you are saying and sharing regarding listening, thee audio sensory processing unit was “busy” hearing various sounds 🎧
Bittersweet personal perspective experience. 🙂 🥬💎
Kalegem,
Aka Tanya G.
Pardon me while striving to listen to what you are saying and sharing regarding listening, thee audio sensory processing unit was “busy” hearing various sounds 🎧
Bittersweet personal perspective experience. 🙂 🥬💎
Kalegem,
Aka Tanya G.
Thank you for your insight, honesty and sharing.
Thank you Marie. It took me a long time to learn to listen to a person when they talk. Now I give my full attention and I do repeat back this is what I heard you say. Am I correct. It’s important to my son that I am fully listening to him. I makes a person feel that they important to you.
So true Debby. Listening is an art. Yes, it makes the other person feel important.
I know when a friend or relative wants me to listen. Your tools you mentioned are very helpful. Our family is going through a crisis right now. I listen and at the end when they are finished, I simply reply it’s in God,s hands. His yoke is light enough to carry all our burdens. The I ask if the world pray with me.
I’m sorry to hear your family is going through a crisis. I will pray for God’s wisdom concerning the crisis. Yes, it is in God’s hands.
Listen if a person tells you the same thing more than once. This means it is important to them.
Thank you for this great reminder how we can love one another.
So true Sherry. Thank you for sharing,
Great tips on how to be a better listener. That is truly a great skill to possess.
Thank you for reading the blog.
Yes, listening is a great skill to possess.
Beautiful!
Thank you Kim